Turn tension into teamwork: Resolving conflict effectively
Turn tension into teamwork: Resolving conflict effectively
Unresolved conflict within your team or company is uncomfortable and costly. In fact, it’s the number one cost for organizations, outweighing market conditions or competition. If left unaddressed, conflict leads to productivity dips, absenteeism, staff turnover, diminished employee wellness, and even legal action.
Recently, this issue has come up a few times with clients. Conflict arises for various reasons, including poor communication, clashing personalities, competing priorities, or undefined roles.
Whatever the reason, the unresolved conflict can fester and consume valuable time and energy, ultimately affecting team morale. Most of us avoid confrontation. We don’t want the conflict to escalate, damage relationships, disrupt the status quo, or appear to be a challenge to a manager. So instead, we stay silent to keep the peace, vent to our colleagues and hope the situation will work out. But that often leads to growing frustration because the issue hasn’t been addressed directly. So how can we have these difficult conversations constructively?
The Experience Cube
I’ve recently been using a tool that provides a framework for more positive communication. It’s called the Experience Cube, created by Gervase Bushe, a professor and researcher at the University of Victoria. He developed it as part of his book Clear Leadership: Sustaining Real Collaboration and Partnership at Work.
The Experience Cube has four elements: Observations, Thoughts, Feelings, and Wants.
It allows you to understand a particular situation more objectively by separating your experience into different components.
Here’s an example: Say I have a colleague who I find dismissive—both to me and to my team. He only seems open to ideas if they’re his. I feel like he’s trying to control my team. We’re peers, but it’s almost as if he thinks I report to him. So, I get worked up about it. Who does he think he is? He’s selfish and ego-driven. Let’s break this down using the Experience Cube.
Observations
An observation is something you could record with a video camera, what actually happened. Example: He spoke to me in a condescending tone and was texting during my entire presentation.
Thoughts
What meaning am I adding to my observation? I think he believes he’s better than me.
The story I tell myself is: There’s a vice president’s job opening, and he wants to edge me out. That’s why he didn’t pay attention while I was sharing a pitch for new clients with the team—he tried to discredit me silently. That’s me creating my own narrative based on the interpretation of what I observed.
Feelings
What emotions are attached to it? I feel frustrated and angry. I get defensive about my work and position in the company.
Wants
What do I actually want? I want to be respected for my creativity, hard work and accomplishments.
Not just for the office
This is a valuable model for handling any conflict or tension in relationships—not only at work, but also with family members, such as spouses, parents, children, or friends.
It helps you break down the situation, the meaning you’re attaching to it, how it affects you and others, and what you actually want.
Anywhere there’s tension or conflict, this tool is valuable because it forces you to go through your own process first, rather than reacting by going on the offensive, shutting down, or accusing.
We all have different tolerances for conflict, shaped by our upbringing, personality, cultural norms, and workplace experiences. Usually, when conflict arises, our nervous system is activated, we enter fight, flight, or freeze mode. This model calms you down and brings you back into your rational, reasoning brain. It helps you think more clearly about the situation, leading to improved communication and problem-solving.